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How to understand yourself and your feelings?

  • October 21, 2018
  • Psychology of Personality
  • Lyudmila Antonova

Understanding your own feelings is quite a challenge. One who understands himself and lives in harmony with his inner world, as a rule, is happy and successful. But unfortunately, more and more often you hear the question of how to understand yourself and your feelings for a particular person.

The main thing is to understand yourself

Before you try to understand how you feel for a person, you need to understand yourself very well. Understanding your emotions and feelings is a very difficult task. For yourself, you are the most important person, and what you feel and experience depends on your attitude towards others. If you do not feel calm and love for yourself, then you can not talk about love for another person. In order to understand how to understand yourself, it will take some time. The main thing is that you need to carefully listen to your inner feelings.


It helps to find the answer to the question of how to understand your emotions and feelings, analysis of your inner world. To do this, look inside yourself and look for answers to your questions. You should understand what place you occupy in this life, whether the current situation suits you, what would you like to change. This should be a serious conversation with your own Self. Answering questions should be honest and sincere, because if you cheat, you will only do worse for yourself.

Only after fully understanding your own feelings can you try to understand how you feel for another person.

Why there is a need to understand their own feelings?

Very often, young people confuse their emotions and feelings for a person, perceiving them completely different from what they really are. This can lead to false love. Sometimes such unnecessary relationships end quite painlessly. After a few months, both realize that they do not fit together.

There are situations when awareness comes to us after several years of marriage, when common children have already appeared. In this case, the situation is much worse. In order to avoid such unpleasant moments in your life, you need to understand as early as possible how you feel towards another person.

How to understand your feelings for a person?

In the life of each of us, such moments happen when emotions fill our hearts. Sometimes it is very difficult to understand what it is: love, affection, sympathy, attraction? Only your heart can answer the question of how to understand what you feel for a person. Very often, we are not serious about choosing a partner, based only on vivid strong emotions that engulfed us at the first time of communication. In such an important issue, you can’t make rash decisions, you need a clear understanding of how you feel. Specially designed psychological tests may help. Their goal is to find the answer to the question of how to understand your feelings for a person.

Psychological tests

Tests on the psychology of feelings are developed by qualified psychologists and are designed to help you understand your feelings for a person. The questions are selected in such a way that as a result you can draw the right conclusions and understand your inner state.

Before you begin to answer the questions, you must promise to be frank and honest with yourself. Each answer must be given carefully and thoughtfully, otherwise the test will not be useful.

Test for recognition of feelings for a person

The first question that needs to be answered is: "What attracts you to the second half?" If your answer is appearance, a beautiful figure, pumped up muscles, then all this is just a passing hobby, and continuing relationships in this case is not recommended to protect yourself from unnecessary frustration and frustration in the future. If, when answering this question, you immediately thought about the person, character, inner world of a person, then in this case you can say that you are serious, and your relationship is of great importance to you. Only if the spiritual world of the partner is important to you, you can talk about love.

The second point, which will help to find the answer to the question of how to understand your feelings for a partner, is aimed at remembering how your relationship began.

There may be several options. First: you met, a spark slipped through, and you instantly realized that you were in love. The second case, when the feeling of love came gradually, as your relationship developed. As a rule, the first situation indicates that feelings will go away as quickly as they appeared. In order to understand your feelings for a person, you need a certain time, at least in order to know him as a person.

Further, to answer the question of how to understand one’s feelings for a person, one should look at one’s attitude towards others. When you are passionate about something, the world around you seems to cease to exist. If, in answering this point of the test on how to understand your feelings for a person, you can say that you can’t think of anything other than him, then you are in a state of love and passion. Love is a more serious feeling. It assumes that the person you have chosen is undoubtedly in the first place for you, but you do not forget that there are other things in life and other people.

And finally, the fourth question of the test is how to understand your feelings for a person. You need to think about the intended future with this person. If in a relationship you are looking for some kind of benefit for yourself, you think how it will be more convenient and comfortable for you, then the feelings that you feel at a given moment in time are not love. True love must be selfless and sincere. If you love, you should not want anything in return from a person.

After receiving answers to all 4 questions of this small test, you can understand your real feelings for a person and draw certain conclusions.

Questions to help you understand how you feel about people.

First question. You introduced your loved one to your family and friends, but after the meeting they criticized him and said that he did not suit you. Do you listen to their opinion?

  • Of course, I listen, because when you are in love, you notice only good things in a person, and close people will help me look at a person in a different way.
  • Of course, I listen, because if they did not like him, then probably something is wrong with him.
  • I do not introduce my loved one to my relatives not to listen to their opinion, I have already made my choice and I am confident in it.

Second question. If you have been in a relationship for several years, is it important for you how you look?

  • Of course, because my partner should notice only me.
  • Appearance is not the most important thing, because in our relations we value completely different things.
  • I do not follow my appearance, since we have been together for quite some time and he will not go anywhere.

Third question. How do you feel about the shortcomings of your partner?

  • In a relationship you need patience for each other, and you need to turn a blind eye to the little things, because everyone has flaws.
  • My partner’s flaws are terribly enraging, but I try not to break.
  • We constantly quarrel loudly because we can’t put up with each other’s shortcomings.

The fourth question. Who will you call to complain about an unpleasant situation at work?

  • Of course, to my partner, I tell him everything, but he supports me.
  • I’ll call my girlfriend / friend, I don’t want to load my partner with such trifles.
  • No one, I will leave my feelings to myself.

The fifth question. Your partner was offered a job that is related to business trips, how do you feel about this.

  • It all depends on the conditions, if this allows him to save a good amount for our budget in a year, then I will not mind.
  • Of course, I will let go, because this is a very interesting opportunity to see the world, I will be glad for it (a).
  • It is important for me that my partner is always with me, so I am against such work.

Test results

Summing up the test results, we can conclude that if the maximum number of answers to the questions were first, it means that you have real sincere feelings for your partner, and you do not regret your choice for a second.

If most of the answers are second, then you need to work on your relationship and better learn to understand your feelings. If the majority of answers are No. 3, then you should once again think about whether you really want this person to be nearby. Perhaps you are wasting your time and his in vain.

Where do psychological problems come from?

If a person experiences internal discomfort and dissatisfaction that do not go away even after the situation and the outside world change, we can talk about a psychological problem. People create themselves, so sometimes it is necessary to direct all efforts and efforts to learn how to understand yourself and understand what you want. You can always find excuses for your inaction, but this will not help you become happy. To find harmony, you must work on yourself, study special literature or visit a psychologist. To enjoy every day, you need to be patient and tune in to positive.

When thinking about how to understand yourself, it’s worth knowing that a person, in fact, has only two aspirations: “the desire for ...” and “the desire for ...”. Often the problem is twofold: a person wants to achieve a goal, but for some reason cannot do it. At the same time, due to psychological problems, there is a fear of achieving goals. These processes can take place both at the subconscious level, and at the semi-conscious. It is important not to hide from the problem and acknowledge that it exists. Then it will be much easier to solve it.

To make it easier to understand how to understand yourself and your feelings, you need to realize that all psychological problems are subjective. A constructive approach and the absence of destructive ways to achieve goals are integral components of success.

Types of internal conflicts

Experts identify the most common types of internal problems, analyzing which, you can understand how to understand yourself and your feelings:

  • Frustration. This concept includes strong inner feelings that arise as a result of failures to overcome both real obstacles to the goal, and imaginary. This condition may be accompanied by anger, guilt, or resentment.
  • Intrapersonal conflict. It occurs when there is a conflict of interests, desires or values ​​within a person. Mental experiences can be quite strong.
  • Psychological trauma involves damage to the psyche as a result of very difficult experiences. Their cause may be various factors: illness, death of a loved one, divorce, stress, conflict and others. As a result of psychological trauma, human thinking, perception and behavior are disturbed.
  • Neurotic reactions. They can manifest in the form of fears, anxiety or anxiety and arise as a result of difficult life situations.
  • Problems coming from childhood: parental ban on joy, repressed emotions, anger, sexuality, complexes and destructive attitudes.
  • The loss of the meaning of life. When a person cannot find his place in life and does not feel himself in demand, an existential vacuum is created inside him.
  • Conflicts with other people. Quarrels and misunderstandings in the family, at work and with others can cause various mental disorders.
  • Crisis stages in life. Such periods are the norm, so a person should be prepared for them.
  • Disharmony. If a person cannot perceive himself as a whole and his personality faces are in constant imbalance, psychological problems and disorders arise.

What makes you want to put your feelings on the shelves?

The question often arises in young girls who, by inexperience, confuse emotions with feelings for a young man. Guys can often take desire for love. Great love is confused with passion.

It is not uncommon for young people to sense a false love when a guy or girl is chosen because of the makings of a leader in a large company.

Can these feelings go into something more? In a strong love, affection, in a strong union, in the personal world of the couple, about which we spoke above? Or are false feelings temporary?

Unfortunately, the desire to understand their feelings also arises for couples tested over ten years of marriage. How to independently sort out all emotions on shelves, if everyday life corrodes, like acid, the spark and feeling of warmth and tenderness go out, because it is far from an option to destroy the family and go in search of a new person.

Do not torment yourself and do not torment your partner, better give yourself time and indulge in deep analysis, impartial and thorough. Answer honestly questions about your relationships and feelings in order to make the right decision.

Difficult female choice

Women have a doubt about the correctness of their choice, because life often throws up more attractive options for wealthy men, with good professions, a similar lifestyle and worldview. But when there is a man and strong feelings for him, do you really need someone else?

Changing the sandals and the color of the car is in the female style, but rushing in choosing a partner is not an option. Women who are confident in their choice, trust their emotions and feelings, can be called happy ladies. In order to get rid of doubts that have piled up, and from daily thoughts that are pressing on you, you should know how to learn to understand your feelings. More on this later.

Forgive yourself

There are no ideal people, so everyone can do an act for which he will be ashamed. Naturally, recalling this is unpleasant, and a person hides the negative on the mezzanines of memory. But this path will not lead to success. Psychologists advise in the smallest details to relive this situation once more, admit your own mistakes and forgive yourself. The past should not affect the present and future.

How to understand your feelings for a guy?

Evaluate how close your partner is to you. To do this, establish how quickly you find a common ground, start a list of common topics and interests that you can talk about. If a topic arises by itself with your beloved man, runs like a fleeting river, you can safely say: this person is yours.

But if the topic for conversation is difficult, if the conversation quickly fades and you feel at ease, feel free to give the guy a turn from the gate and look for a new contender for the status of a life companion.

Another option, how to understand your feelings for a man, is the temporary distance between each other. You may think that a pause in the relationship is fatal, but psychologists have repeatedly noted: to understand your feelings, distance, lack of communication like nothing else will help you determine your feelings. Do not call him, do not write and do not catch the eye, "accidentally" walking in his yard. You yourself will understand how you feel when, over time, you begin to miss him, and his name will often flash in conversations with his girlfriends.

Evaluate your feelings during a meeting after separation, if you do not care, you can leave this young man.

But although in most cases a break in relations helps to understand oneself, it cannot be called a panacea. If separation is not a way for you to sort out your feelings, you just have to talk. Frankly, without turning into a quarrel and mutual reproaches. Speak out and let your partner speak out, maybe he is also tormented by doubts about you as a life partner, or maybe your young man has his head full of problems at work, and, tired, he’s not that not up to you, he’s nothing else business.

The desire to understand their feelings comes to the woman and in the relationship "mother - son." One of the types of relationships when a woman, in every possible way, taking care of and taking care of her young man, loses herself, being dissolved in a partner. You should refuse such relations or return them to normal, where everyone equally contributes to the relationship between you. Do you want a reliable man next to you?

How to understand your feelings for a guy? Be honest with yourself when analyzing your relationships and feelings.

Set deadlines

Do not try to understand how to understand yourself in a short time. It is necessary to solve internal problems gradually, setting a specific deadline. Then, at a subconscious level, a person will try to correct the situation and get rid of depressing thoughts.

Does he love me?

But it also happens that a girl begins to doubt relations with her young man, a wife begins to doubt her husband because of insufficient attention, and suspicions of her man. Тогда вопрос меняется, превращаясь в такой: «Как разобраться в чувствах мужчины к даме?» Милые девушки переживают после нескольких лет отношений в отсутствие слов любви, из-за недостатка того внимания, которое они получали в начале отношений. Это объясняется тем, что мужчина уже принял вас как свою женщину и подсознательно не считает нужным выражать свою любовь в словах ежедневно. Что уж поделать, женщины любят ушами. Исправляйтесь, обратите внимание на поведение и поступки молодого человека.

How do you know if your man loves you? You are not indifferent to him if he performs half of this list:

  • your young man tries to meet you from work, walks with friends, offers to spend or pick you up, calls you to find out how you got,
  • in your conversations flicker about the future, where you also participate,
  • he calls you to his friends, parents, you spend holidays together and go to parties,
  • he treats your children well from your ex-husband,
  • he’s trying to help you with housework, get a bowl from a high shelf without asking,
  • he sacrifices his interests, infrequently, but can spend the day contrary to his desires and plans,
  • he avoids even the smallest quarrels and pauses in relationships.

Popular literature and personal diary

Special psychological literature can help you learn how to understand people. If it is difficult to do it yourself, it is better to consult a specialist.

The habit of keeping a diary will be extremely useful for personal growth. By periodically re-reading it, you can easily reveal hidden goals and motives, understand what is really important and necessary.

Difficulties of husbands

Do not be offended by your husband if he is not able to help his lady figure out her feelings. Men are much less likely to think about feelings, winding themselves up with various “maybe” and having made a choice, as already mentioned, they are less likely to express feelings, manifesting themselves in actions. The stronger sex is also not able to notice your changes in mood and often does not understand what is happening with their girls.

Be lenient to men, because they are used to go ahead, they act clumsily and clearly. Clarify the reasons for your lack of mood, tell us how you feel right now, and if necessary, do not hesitate to contact family psychologists. Keep and protect your family happiness in any way.

No to self-flagellation!

Many people are prone to digging themselves, but to achieve inner harmony it is necessary to get rid of it. A person can understand what he wants only if he learns to accept himself as he is. No need to compare yourself with others, they have different values, desires and a different path. It is necessary to accept your shortcomings and positive qualities. Trying to become perfect, a person destroys himself from the inside. When it comes to the realization that no one is perfect, it will become much easier to accept yourself and love.

Feelings of men

Of course, the desire to understand themselves, in their feelings for a woman is also inherent in guys. All this is due to doubts about whether the person, that girl who will spend the rest of his life with him, will give birth to a strong child and will support him.

You can not deprive the attention of men who want to determine their relationship with the girl. Young people are often scared to make some serious decisions, for example, about long-term relationships, since choice is a responsibility, a privilege of adults.

How to understand your feelings for a young guy who has a girl on the horizon for a stable relationship, or a man who doubts the correctness of his choice? Start by analyzing your relationship.

Find target

Often a person thinks about how to understand himself, at the moment when he loses his goal in life. Someone else's wishes, which are presented as their own, are not a sufficient incentive. Over time, they cease to motivate a person, and he forgets about them. Only true desires and aspirations evoke a genuine sense of happiness and peace. To define them, you must be honest with yourself and not be cunning.

How to understand your feelings for a girl?

Rely on your emotions, trying to figure out the feelings for the lady. Do you have any pleasant moments with this person, are the best moments of life connected with your girlfriend? If so, then why doubt?

Are you ready to not notice the shortcomings of a partner? Small stature, inability to use a knife, too bright lipstick that you don’t like? There are no ideal people if, despite the shortcomings, you feel warmth next to this person, be sure: you still have warm feelings for your partner.

Spend more time with her. And not only with her, but also with her parents, friends, bosom girlfriends. Communication with her environment will help you understand how you feel about her, her preferences, behavior.

In no case

The erroneous opinion is the fact that, both for a man and a woman, in order to understand himself and his feelings, you need a short romance on the side. In no case do not cheat on your partner, because the pain brought by treason will not only worsen your relationship, but also destroy the trust and desire for further life together. Even if an affair once again proves you have feelings, you are unlikely to be able to get rid of pain and shame.

We hope our article will serve you as a compass of emotions. “How to understand our feelings?” Is a simple question, and sooner or later each of us comes to it. Do not be afraid of him, make the right decision, it’s very difficult to choose a person, a companion for your whole life, give yourself time to make an informed decision.

Love or dislike?

One of the most common questions that almost every person asks himself during a certain period of his life sounds something like this: “How to understand yourself: love or not?” Any relationship has many facets, both positive and negative. It is the latter that make one think about whether a loved one is really nearby.

As experience shows, in order to start appreciating something, you need to lose it. The method is cardinal, but effective. Often relationships become boring over time, and the severity of feelings and emotions is lost. I want to change everything and start a romance full of passion and joy. But after parting, it becomes clear that no one can replace the familiar, dear and close person next. And getting a relationship back is a lot harder than breaking it off. Therefore, before radically changing lives and making such a responsible decision, it is better to try to revive relations and introduce new colors.

For those who do not know how to understand themselves and their thoughts, the advice of a psychologist will be very useful. Better to start by talking to yourself. It is important to understand whether the criteria of love and love are not confused when evaluating. Over time, feelings cannot remain as bright and fresh, they are transformed into respect, mutual understanding, trust and support.

  • Do I want to be with this person for the rest of my life?
  • Is there any trust in the relationship?
  • What sacrifices for the sake of man can you make?
  • Is there a desire to share sorrows and troubles?

If you analyze the answers, much will become clear. You can talk about love, if most of them are positive.

To find harmony, you need to know how to understand yourself. Psychology is becoming more and more popular science every day, because it helps to solve internal problems. Experts advise on paper to write down their innermost desires and goals. To achieve them, it is necessary to determine what needs to be done and where to start. Only by identifying the cause of disharmony can we eliminate it and become happy.